that rose doesn't have to be dead
by pyr0technic
Summary: never passionate, never sweet, but if it has to be anyone, at least it's you. [ikarishipping arrangedmarriage!au] smut.


Dawn had never been romantically inclined.

This is what she assumed. Throughout the course of her life, even back to the earliest days she could remember, boys ended up liking her more frequently than not.

Kenny had a crush on her since pre-school. She met Barry when she started journeying, and as their friendship grew, one day he showed up at her house at 10 p.m. with a confession that seemed totally misplaced. And then there was Conway, but she preferred to forget that scarring memory.

But then there was Zoey. Zoey was different. She was unexpected. Dawn loved Zoey, but not in the way the other girl wanted her to. The words unsaid put a strain on their relationship for a long time, and this is when Dawn decided that she wasn't going to think about love for a long time.

But then, something else hit her: She never thought about it in the first place. Dawn had never had romantic feelings for someone else in her whole life. She hadn't much time to worry about it, however. She had enough problems to deal with already.

She opened the door to her house in warm, sweet Twinleaf Town, filled with a nostalgic rush as she realized it had been quite some time that she was away journeying. But her eyes fell upon a sight that shocked her to the core: A man - her father - sitting on the living room couch, sipping coffee and flipping through a newspaper like he'd done it every day of his life.

Fast-forward half an hour. Dawn was sitting across the dining table, discussing her future with the man in front of her. He had sharp brown eyes and black hair neatly slicked back. His eyes seemed to follow her movements, from the wringing hands to her pale neck pulsing nervously. It was glistening with perspiration.

He saw that there was fear in her throat.

_What did he want from her?_

"My absence is something I explained to you long ago, Dawn. I'm a busy man, and now the head of multiple technology franchises. That reminds me - did you enjoy your gift?"

The metal contraption on Dawn's wrist suddenly felt like ice. It felt like a thousand pounds trying to split her bones.

She did not understand _why_.

When there was nothing but the sound of untold feelings, her father continued. "Is coordinating fulfilling, Dawn?"

"Yes," she answered mechanically.

_She knew what was happening. Nonono that bastard wouldn't dare, not after using that shit excuse of being busy for thirteen years. Busy running away like a coward._

"That's good," the man said. "I'd heard you initially had quite a bit of trouble. You were depressed for a while, weren't you?"

Dawn's fists clenched. She exhaled, then broke a smile. "I had some confidence issues back then, I guess! I had some tough rivals, you know. But... it turned out okay in the end."

Dawn's smile wavered when her father didn't respond for a long time. He didn't seem to have heard her at all.

"Would you like to become the heir of my new company?"

* * *

><p>Paul was the Champion of Sinnoh.<p>

It seemed unreal, even as he watched reruns of the final battle on the old television in Reggie's room. His presence wasn't so much as required until next week, which left a desirable amount of time to himself.

The first thing that happened after defeating the Champion was actually just a series of interviews and news reports by the press, and Paul had no interest in that. He only agreed to one interview on Saturday morning at eight a.m. for twenty minutes.

He stood up, ready to switch off the television. It was time to start training again. He was awfully young for a new Champion, and he reckoned several cocky challengers would be on his doorstep ready to battle; underestimating his abilities.

Either way, it wasn't a problem for him. He'd just squash them like he normally did.

His thumb was over the power switch, but he paused at the sound of a familiar voice. He observed a blue-haired girl returning her pokemon, chin dropping so that her hair curtained and cast a shadow over her face.

He glanced away before shutting the contraption off.

* * *

><p>Fear was now clawing and scratching at her throat. She wasn't used to feeling like this. She wasn't used to the feeling of heart being strangled with her own hands, because she remembered a time when things hadn't been this hard.<p>

She wished Ash was here. She wished Brock were here; she wished May were here, but all the wishing made he realize how disgustingly dependent she was.

"Hi!" she greeted, smiling gently.

Paul folded his hands together and nodded. His glance flickered to her once as she cleared her throat.

"So, you - you remember me, right?"

There was a beat of silence.

"N-No need to worry, I won't blow up on you if you don't like last time!"

"I know," Paul answered.

Dawn swallowed. She wondered why that left an uneasy feeling in her stomach.

"So, um... what have you been doing lately?"

Paul visibly ticked at the question. "Training." He sounded closed off; and the suddenness caused the rock in her stomach to plunge deeper.

And finally it seemed her delusion of the situation was slipping, and this was really happening. She was going to marry this man, because of the father. The father who was never there. The Champion and Businessman's daughter.

She wondered if Paul would benefit from any of this. Did her father offer money? No, Paul couldn't be that vain. Then, perhaps, did he really want to marry her?

Dawn's eyes grazed over his face, all sharp angles embedded scars. He didn't even know her.

Her eyes began to burn. "Are you, um... o-okay with this?" Her voice gave her away at the end, and Paul noticed.

He stood silently and left the room.

Dawn heard the sound of the door click shut, and dropped her head to her hands.

* * *

><p>"All I'm saying is that you should think about this, Paul."<p>

"There's nothing to think about. It's clearly beneficial for both sides."

Reggie gave a concerned glance to his little brother, but he merely shrugged him off. Paul always had trouble with being in touch with his emotions, but Reggie was convinced that this time - it would cost him.

"You wouldn't even be considering this right now if it weren't for Mom. I know you trust her, but you and I both know she doesn't know the first thing about marriage!" Bitterness was edging into Reggie's tone, and the subtle chance made Paul feel a pang of _something _in his chest.

_Did Reggie think he didn't know that? He grew up hating marriage because of the way his mother and father acted around each other. In fact, he vowed to never let the same thing happen to him._

_But he was already deluded into the choice a long time ago, before he knew it. Back when he was shutting Reggie out. Back when he restrained his feelings so hard he still felt lightly numb. He thought this was the only way._

"It'll be fine. If it's anyone... at least it's her."

Reggie considered the answer, realizing that Paul had his mind set. "What about her, Paul? I know Dawn. She's free-spirited, loving, emotional... very different from you. How does she feel?"

Paul was silenced.

* * *

><p>Fragility.<p>

That's the only thing she could feel as she trembled, wiping her eyes over and over. That's what she felt as she curled into fetal position, at her most vulnerable moment on the cold bathroom floor, as she let her heart scream.

It felt like several years' worth of anguish and fear locked away had spilled out all over her chest, suffocating her, spilling out of her eyes, gathering in her stomach and making her writhe.

Because she failed.

Coordinating was a dream, but it wasn't just that. It was an escape.

It wasn't an escape from the loving mother she had, but the other parental figure in her life. Out of her life. The unspoken figure that would haunt her when she ate dinner at the table alone sometimes. Sometimes she made herself coffee and read newspapers to fill the role.

There wasn't a divorce - not officially, anyway. But she had to assume it was the case when Johanna never spoke a word about that mysterious man.

It was all some complicated, fabricated mess of lies and reluctance to see. Her Daddy wasn't around because he had never fallen in love. He occupied his mind with finances, with strategies and techniques to satisfy his hunger for something he felt like was missing.

He wasn't cold, he was empty. The way his eyes moved with quick calculation, she could tell he had experience and reading others.

He had offered her a career in pokestyling. He knew everything from the start - the confidence issues, the way failures in her coordinating career shook her. Her desire for fashion hadn't gone unnoticed, either.

He didn't even have to convince her, which surprised him. He had laid upon her a condition, a strong suggestion - that she marry soon. She would need support to continue the large branch on her shoulders, mentally and financially. It was convenient.

She would be married, painting her already in a positive light. Innocent, free from inquiring reports about scandals. She had her father's name to carry on by accepting the business, after all.

And this resonated with Dawn, and she thought twice about the choice she made. She would forever stay a member of this family. A tool, a wife, plain space. Marketing, business, a tunnel vision towards success without others.

The journeys she made, trying to create a new fate, making new friends so dear and close - all of that meant nothing now.

Because she was back to where she started.

* * *

><p>"Maybe you should think about this a little more?"<p>

"No need to worry! I've already decided, and I'm completely okay with it. I've never had much luck with love, anyway." The smile on her face could have fooled even herself, if it weren't for the broken glass jabbing at her heart.

May smiled for her best friend, thinking she was happy for her.

Hoping that the feeling she was getting would go away.

Hoping that Dawn was making the right choice.

* * *

><p>Dawn had opened the window, trying to breathe air that felt fresh. She inhaled over and over, trying to take in the cool air and send out all the toxic thoughts developing in her mind.<p>

She was married.

She thought she smelled dead roses, so she locked the window shut.

She let her sobriety sink in, and suddenly everything became so vivid. Her every breath, every twitch, every thought was something she was hyperaware of. An uneasy feeling begin swimming in her stomach. There was no part of her that wished to remember this experience.

And then, she heard the sound of sharp and careful footsteps.

Paul was here.

And immediately the panic set in. Her skin tensed beneath her clothes, and she quickly sat up from her lying position on the bed, letting flower petals fly in the opposite direction to the floor.

When he came inside, he didn't say a word. This only made her more nervous. She hadn't even begun to think about the aftermath of what was going to happen, and how it would affect the rest of their lives. She could only hear the sound of her own heart pounding in her ears, though she couldn't really figure out if it was purely fear.

He slipped off his jacket and set it quietly on the chair. The sight of his bare neck made Dawn swallow. Her stomach started plummeting over and over again.

But the feeling wasn't regret - not yet - it was something she had never experienced before. It was the name of something she couldn't place, but it grew when she inhaled and felt his scent. It flared when tan skin brushed every so lightly against pale.

Before guilt could work its way into her throat, Dawn concentrated all her thoughts on the task at hand. She kept her eyes trained on him, and noticed his every movement. How he sat down so carefully, as if he was trying to be quiet. She sat in silence, observing the way his chest rose and fell with each breath.

She submerged with the feeling, because it was the only way.

Her hands were trembling, and she had no time to wonder why, and whether it was out of fear or anticipation. Her fingers clumsily began to unbutton her pajama top; they slipped often, slick with sweat.

And he responded. His hands moved to hers, and the movement revealed how stiff he was. There was a tremble that would have gone unnoticed, but Dawn was experiencing something only the sudden adrenaline could cause - an unbearable alertness.

She froze in that moment. She was too afraid, and no amount of focusing could hide that. This was not a mechanical procedure. This was a human act. Sweat, movements, and emotion. She needed something. She needed anything, because this _had _to work.

And then, placing her hands on his thighs, she kissed him. It turned out that was all the bravery she needed. She untucked the shirt from his pants. A little shy, a little bold. She fell into him; slowly pressing her chest to his.

Paul finally responded, as if something clicked.

His mouth moved slowly against hers - he was still counting on her to lead. He seemed in a battle with himself, with hands that moved precisely yet slowly, trying to resist a feeling he felt was wrong but knew was right. He steeled himself.

His hand skirted down her abdomen, scattering fleeting touches among her abdomen. A simultaneous shudder between the two. His thumb hooked underneath the band of her underwear and it slid past her knees, and he stopped because he couldn't reach further. He was too busy tasting her whispers of her lips.

He never looked. Somethings his hands fell to her breasts, but he didn't dare linger for too long. Even the gentle moans of approval he ignored. He ignored it, but he felt it deep within his gut. The sound vibrated within him, distracted him, and urged him on.

By now his mouth had trailed down to her neck, because the way her lips bit his was too distracting to even think about doing anything else, and he wanted to relieve the increased sense of urgency between his legs. The pants slid down easily but his hands hesitated; hovered over his boxers.

Where he hesitated, Dawn took over. Her hands dove inside and grasped around him, and he had to try his hardest not to make a sound. He was human, however, and Dawn felt some pleasure when he inhaled sharply. She exhaled slowly, and the warmth reached his ears. That was the permission he needed.

He was patient for her. She grasped his arms, and told him she needed to get used to it. He tried not to comprehend the fact that he was just satisfying his own, shameless pleasures and focused on getting more of that feeling. The building up of a strange, clouding and toxic euphoria. And then her skin, shimmering with sweat. The rhythmic movement her hips made. The dampened, navy hair. Her delicate frame. She was biting her lip -

And finally it was over. For a minute, it seemed time stopped, and all they did was breathe. Over and over, for a long time, like air would cleanse the intensity within them. And then, Dawn turned over. She pulled the blankets to her head. Her back arched away from him.

She was reeling with emotions she didn't know others could place in her. Other feelings begin to seep in. Guilt. Shame. Sorrow. Embarrassment. Regret. And... a small, warm feeling that was overshadowed by the others.

And Paul laid down straight on his back, staring at the ceiling for a long, long time.

* * *

><p>"Hey, you're back!"<p>

Paul realized he had completely forgotten about Gary. That afamed professor had come in town for research, but instead of residing in the office assigned to him, found lazily wasting time in Paul's much better.

Paul had no intention of keeping the other man company, so he walked over to his seat and began to work. He opened a door and pulled out a bunch of files. Did he really have to file paperwork? He was the Champion, for Christ's sake.

Gary seemed stumped. "Wait, you're working? I thought you were just... dropping in or something."

"Why would I _not _be working?" Paul sounded irritated. He was hoarse, tired, and quite ready to speak to anyone yet.

"Uh, well you got married yesterday, if that means anything to you. What are you doing here, mister ex bachelor?" Gary demanded to know.

"Being married does not excuse me from work obligations," he responded coldly.

Gary raised an eyebrow. "Please, you're the Champion. You _have _no work. Just boring project managing that you could easily hand over to someone else, like Ashy-boy does."

Paul was formulating a response in his head when he realized he had no reason to explain himself to Gary. He silently continued to sort through files, hoping the other man would get the message.

"Aw, was last night that bad?"

Paul had always prided himself in keeping a cool demeanor. However, if there was one thing he could not control, it was his anger.

"It's none of your business." He scowled.

"Please. That's what you all say. Maybe it's the whole 'first time' deal affecting you, but it should've still been enjoyable. I mean, I've met Dawn before. She's cool. Pretty, too. I'd say you hit the jackpot."

He hadn't even noticed that both of his fists had clenched. "Nothing happened. Now get _out_!"

He was alone again, and wondered why his eyes kept drifting to that god forsaken ceiling.

* * *

><p>"Soooo, how was it?"<p>

Dawn would find herself in a very rare occasion that day - she was in the most unpleasant, crabbiest mood of her life.

"It's personal."

May seemed disappointed. "What? We made a pact about this and everything! We all HAVE to tell each other about the wedding night! it's law!" she insisted.

Dawn rolled her eyes. Choosing not to respond, she got up from the couch and headed to the kitchen, heaving out a bag of pokefeed from one of the cabinets. As she methodically poured some in each of the food bowls, May watched on thoughtfully.

"Wait... did you guys... more than once?"

"No!"

May shrugged. "I was just asking. You told me you guys are on much better terms now, right? It's been a month."

_A month._

Dawn's face fell at those words. "Exactly, May. It's been a month."

It took May several moments until she realized.

"_Oh_."

Dawn simply glanced away, filled to the brim with things she knew she could never say. May was too busy trying to process the fact that there was a third person in the room.

* * *

><p>"I'm pregnant."<p>

He had nothing important to say, and she had the most important thing in the world to offer him. She felt a twinge of disappointment in her heart.

_But I don't love him. I don't care. Our only job was this. _

In Paul's mind, as he gazed silently at the wall behind her, the words were repeated over and over. _Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you._ So badly he wanted to say them, and so badly he wanted to restrain them.

And as he slim figure left the room, leaving the scent of vanilla poffins in its wake, he found that he could whisper it out loud.

He would never be there completely, but he could move closer. He could try.

And for now, it was enough.

* * *

><p><strong>hahaha oh mannnn the ikari angst is real. idk what this is. i hope it was ok. i really like the idea of paul and dawn's first and only child. a little girl with a fragile heart and strong words. the optimism of her mother and the reclusiveness of her father. ahhhhhhh. <strong>

**alsoooo - go ahead and hit that review button and tell me anything! this was my first (lemony) fic so advice would be greatly appreciated. thanks!**


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